dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
