Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
