having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
