i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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