Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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