Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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