I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
