Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
