in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
