My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
