like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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