It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
