So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
