Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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