i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
