he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
