i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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