am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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