Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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