im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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