Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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