Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
