i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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