How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
