did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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