so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
