were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
