u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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