if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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