Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How naked do you want me to be?
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