you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
