I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
