who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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