i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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