she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
