i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
