I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
