Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED