These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina