apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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