my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
