just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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