I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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