My brain says no but my pants say off.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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