Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
