i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
