he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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