You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
