i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
