Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
