i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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