Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
