Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
