Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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