guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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