She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
