New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
