I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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