Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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